Are you a People Pleaser?

 

Are you a People Pleaser? If so, that means you have what is known as a people-please syndrome. This is not an actual diagnosis of a major problem; it just means you think of others before yourself. What needs to happen is you need to take the power back and control your own life before you can please others in your life. How do you get back the power? You must change the way you think and act. This means you must stop prioritizing others’ wants and needs over your own just so you can be liked and accepted in society.

It is said that people-pleasing actions create a sense of self-neglect or disregard for our own self to cater to or accommodate another person. When we need help or assistance, and no one returns the favor, we gain a sense of resentfulness and betrayal for the lack of help. So how do we fix this problem? First, we need to identify that you are a people-pleaser by looking at the signs.

You change your plans to accommodate someone else’s needs.

You fail yourself rather than disappoint others.

It’s second nature to abandon your wants and needs to help others.

You seek validation to satisfy your feelings of inadequacy.

You cater to others' issues rather than your internal wisdom.

So, how do you change those feelings into still being able to help others but look out for yourself first and foremost?

Learn the definition of the word NO and incorporate it into your life and vocabulary. That’s where it begins validating yourself to use the word NO when asked for your help. If you have a list of things to do today and someone calls and asks you to give up the hours you planned to accomplish what YOU need to accomplish, give yourself permission to say you can’t do it. I had to learn this lesson the hard way years ago. I would always set aside what I needed to do to help others. When I started declining other people’s wants and concentrating on my own, people began to get the hint and stopped calling me every day.  My time became my own and I was able to begin accomplishing my own efforts like writing five books, creating my paintings, and most of all, concentrating on my business endeavors. Don’t get me wrong, I was still doing philanthropy work but this time it was on my schedule not others.

It isn’t an easy endeavor to stop people-pleasing, especially when it’s how people identify with who you are. At first, you might feel as though you have all the time in the world at your fingertips, and you will have more time to concentrate on what YOU want, so use it to your advantage and succeed. It’s going to take time to get used to it, but once you do, you will be able to take care of yourself and your wants and needs more effectively and productively. So, start now, make a list of things you’d like to accomplish and once you start saying NO, start on your list. Be patient with yourself, you’ll not accomplish everything overnight, it will take time, so go slow and be productive.

 

Author Elizabeth Kilbride is a former political operative, author, scriptwriter, historian, and journalist. business professional, creative artist, and life coach consultant. Ms. Kilbride holds a Master's in Criminology and a BS in Business Management she stepped out of the loop for a while but is now back with a powerful opinion and voice in the direction of this country and our economy. As a life coach, she is available to counsel individuals to enjoy their dreams and a better life. Ms. Kilbride loves to travel, and photograph her surroundings and is also a gourmet cook who loves to garden and preserve food for the winter months.