Is it time to say goodbye to your
relationship? If your partnership feels like a never-ending project, true
contentment may always seem just out of reach. Feeling emotionally disconnected
can lead to a deep sense of loneliness, making you feel even more isolated than
if you were single. Painting a false image of your partner to others is a red
flag that they don't meet your standards. I often explore the question: Should
I end my troubled relationship now? Remember, life isn't a test with a control
group. Although uncertain, there are signs of an unhealthy relationship holding
you back. Consider these signs: constant "if-onlys," lack of
understanding, feeling drained, hiding parts of your partner, hoping for
change, apologizing frequently, and unhealthy conflict patterns. It may be time
to reevaluate your relationship's potential to fulfill you.
I am often
asked the same question from clients, "Should I end my relationship as it
doesn’t seem to be working to make me happy?" Your decision is yours to
live with, and you'll never have all the answers. But sometimes, you can make
an educated guess. There are clear signs when a relationship is holding you
back from your potential. It's easy to stay put out of fear of the unknown,
even if deep down you know it's not right for you. Making the choice to be
alone after decades of marriage is a whole different ballgame than after just a
few dates. Stay tuned for tips on ending a relationship in a healthy way. But
for now, here are some signs that it may be time to move on.
Whether
it's you, your partner, or both of you, having thoughts of “if-only is a great
sign the relationship is over and you should move on. If there's always this
feeling that the relationship could be perfect if just one thing changed,
that's not ideal. Sure, relationships have their ups and downs, but if you're
constantly feeling like something needs fixing, it's hard to find true
satisfaction. Living in a world of "what ifs" can prevent you from
being happy in the present. Does your relationship feel mostly good, but
there's that nagging 10 percent that just won't go away? Sometimes, that
lingering feeling could mean you're just not meant to be together.
Maybe
you're starting to think that love comes with strings attached, or you're
putting on a show for your partner. This can block real emotional closeness and
leave you feeling hollow in the long run — the fear that your partner wouldn't
accept the true you if you let your guard down. It's possible you're pretending
to be someone you're not, hiding a significant part of yourself, or faking
interest in things just to please them, letting them dictate how you spend your
time. Or maybe you're being genuine — yet you still don't feel truly seen by
your partner. These emotional gaps can lead to deep loneliness that ironically
makes you feel more alone than if you were single.
Feeling
drained by your partner, even when they're not doing much to drain you, can be
tough. In any relationship, there will be times when one person gives more than
the other - that's just how it goes. But when you find yourself constantly
feeling exhausted by your partner, even when they're not doing anything
particularly exhausting, that's a red flag. If you're always frustrated and
feel like you need a break from them more often than not, it might be time to
reassess things. Sure, every relationship has its ups and downs, but if being
with them feels like more work than it's worth, it might be time to move on.
It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness above all else.
Are you
keeping parts of your partner hidden from those closest to you? Maybe you
downplay their flaws or embellish their good qualities. It's okay to keep some
things private, like your partner's unconventional upbringing. But if you find
yourself consistently painting a false picture of who they are to multiple
people, it may be a sign that they are not living up to your standards. Whether
it's covering up their bad habits or hiding their true nature, pretending they
are someone they're not is a red flag. Remember, honesty and authenticity are
key in any relationship. If you're not proud to show off your partner to
friends and family, it may be time to reevaluate your connection.
Stop
assuming or daydreaming about how your partner will change drastically before
you can see a future with them. You might have spent years envisioning your
life together, but with a different version of them in mind. Hoping they'll
suddenly become more driven, kinder, or more helpful at home. Imagining that
you'll be ready for marriage once they become more responsible, or that they'll
have an epiphany about commitment and then you'll be ready to settle down. Don't
get caught up committing to a fantasy version of your partner that doesn't
exist. Do you truly want to be with your partner for who they are right now? That's
the real measure of a relationship.
Are you
finding yourself constantly apologizing for who you are? Do you feel like you
can never measure up to your partner's expectations? This could be a sign of a
controlling relationship. Even in less extreme cases, constantly feeling like
you're doing things wrong can take a toll on your mental well-being. Do you
feel like your dreams and desires are being stifled by your partner? Do you
yearn for the freedom to live life on your own terms, without judgment or
guilt? It's time to ask yourself why you're holding yourself back from that
freedom.
Conflict
is a part of life, and there's no "right" way to handle it. Research
on marriages has shown that it's not the conflict itself that's the problem,
but rather how you deal with it. Are you falling into unhealthy patterns during
arguments, like giving each other silent treatment or resorting to hurtful
personal attacks? Do you find that your conflicts only lead to more resentment,
without addressing the root of the issue? Are you using disagreements as a way
to hurt each other, rather than finding common ground? If you're not willing to
work on these patterns, don't expect things to magically get better. It takes
effort and communication to make a relationship work.
Elizabeth Kilbride is a Writer and Editor with forty years of
experience in writing with 12 of those years in the online content sphere. Author
of 5 books and a Graduate with an Associate of Arts from Pheonix University in
Business Management, then a degree. Mass Communication and Cyber Analysis from
Phoenix University, then on to Walden University for her master’s in
criminology with emphasis on Cybercrime and Identity Theft and is currently
studying for her Ph.D. degree in Criminology. Her work portfolio includes
coverage of politics, current affairs, elections, history, and true crime. In
her spare time, Elizabeth is also a gourmet cook, life coach, and avid artist,
proficient in watercolor, acrylic, and oil, pen and ink, Gouche, and pastels.
As a political operative having worked on over 300 campaigns during her career,
Elizabeth has turned many life events into books and movie scripts while using
history to weave interesting storylines. She also runs 6 blogs that range from art
to life coaching, to food, to writing, and opinion or history pieces each
week.
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